I can’t begin to express how irritated you can be with yourself when you know you don’t feel normal, and you know you aren’t physically or mentally doing things that others find simple.
Simple things like getting out of bed; I personally set 3 separate alarms: each with 5 minute snoozers and 30 minutes apart.
I have to annoy myself enough to finally get out of bed and not go back to sleep. To overcome the dread of facing another day, through sheer frustration.
I pick the most annoying noise and I set that to be my morning buzzer. I set my phone to yell the alarm time and the 5 minute intervals to sound more like a nagging parent.
It takes me about an hour to an hour and thirty minutes to get out of bed, groggy and frustrated with myself. It’s the same process every morning: Overcome the desire to do nothing and wither, while overcoming the sleep aids from the previous night.
The most frustrating thing is that if I didn’t take the sleep aids, I’d have chest pains through the series of panic attacks.
The sleep aids cause morning anxiety for getting out of bed. To get myself out of bed I make myself frustrated which makes me a grump to be around for about another hour when I’m moving around. Trying to get a job when you spend 10-12 hours of your day trying to simply be functional is damn near fucking impossible. (Sorry for the swear).
I know others have it worse. I just…need the outlet I guess. To put my thoughts into something and not immediately be told I’m being crazy.
Anxiety/Depression/Fostercare/Adoption 