Wow. My husband and I are completely shook. I don’t even know where to begin, but I’ll do my best.
We have had baby in our home for a while now, and the county has come up with a bunch of reasons why they believe that baby should be moved from our home to another.
Their first reason was: “Due to this baby and his positive tox-screen, we think that they will do better if placed with another family that has a more maternal influence.”
Our agency called them out on how discriminatory that sounded, and doubled down on the baby not being removed from our home because we did everything were suppose to. That our family has two loving parents with one that can stay home 24/7. That if the county believes this baby needs a more maternal influence, then we can have my sister, mother, grandmother, aunt, and step sisters on call. The county responded that they don’t understand why they would come off as discriminatory and referred to their record of placing foster children in lgbt homes.
Well, now that the court date is coming up, the county has switched their argument from the baby needing a more maternal influence, to my husband and I being unfit parents.
They quote, “Think this placement is unfit due to the foster parents being first time parents. This child would do better in a home with a family that is more experienced in child rearing.”
So now we have two options that our agency and social workers have laid out before us.
We have the option to either fight them on placement, stating that they already signed the placement paperwork, and that my husband and I have done nothing wrong regarding the removal of this baby from our home. We can try to bring in the pediatrician for their professional opinion in how we are handling the situation and monitoring baby’s growth/feeding schedule. Our social worker informed us that although the county claims that they don’t have an official “blacklist,” every social worker knows that there will be a “reputation list” to some extent and odds are we will stop receiving placement calls from the county. All that being said, if we fight, not only do we get blacklisted, but we could still lose this baby if we get a wrong judge who believes as the county does. That we are unfit parents due to being a same sex couple of men.
The other option, is to give in. To let them come and take the baby from our home. To give up and scrap our hopes in naming the baby. To stop feeding every two hours around the clock. To go back to our normal lives and wait for another phone call for a possible placement later down the road. To not be blacklisted.
After a long discussion with my husband we have come to a conclusion.
We are not going to give up. We have a child in our home right now. We aren’t going to give in to the county bullying us. We aren’t going to let them play politics with a human life. We are not going to let them push us around, other foster families around, or denounce all of the amazing first time parents out there that have raised fantastic kids.
Thanks for letting me vent. It’s been a rough ride with this kiddo, but we definitely wouldn’t change this situation for anything. We are in love. We will fight until adoption day.