Posted in Adoption, Anxiety, Foster Parenting, LGBT Community, LGBT Parents, Safe Surrender, Two Dads

Safe Surrender Baby – Unfit Parents?!

Wow. My husband and I are completely shook. I don’t even know where to begin, but I’ll do my best.

We have had baby in our home for a while now, and the county has come up with a bunch of reasons why they believe that baby should be moved from our home to another.

Their first reason was: “Due to this baby and his positive tox-screen, we think that they will do better if placed with another family that has a more maternal influence.”

Our agency called them out on how discriminatory that sounded, and doubled down on the baby not being removed from our home because we did everything were suppose to. That our family has two loving parents with one that can stay home 24/7. That if the county believes this baby needs a more maternal influence, then we can have my sister, mother, grandmother, aunt, and step sisters on call. The county responded that they don’t understand why they would come off as discriminatory and referred to their record of placing foster children in lgbt homes.

Well, now that the court date is coming up, the county has switched their argument from the baby needing a more maternal influence, to my husband and I being unfit parents.

They quote, “Think this placement is unfit due to the foster parents being first time parents. This child would do better in a home with a family that is more experienced in child rearing.”

So now we have two options that our agency and social workers have laid out before us.

We have the option to either fight them on placement, stating that they already signed the placement paperwork, and that my husband and I have done nothing wrong regarding the removal of this baby from our home. We can try to bring in the pediatrician for their professional opinion in how we are handling the situation and monitoring baby’s growth/feeding schedule. Our social worker informed us that although the county claims that they don’t have an official “blacklist,” every social worker knows that there will be a “reputation list” to some extent and odds are we will stop receiving placement calls from the county. All that being said, if we fight, not only do we get blacklisted, but we could still lose this baby if we get a wrong judge who believes as the county does. That we are unfit parents due to being a same sex couple of men.

The other option, is to give in. To let them come and take the baby from our home. To give up and scrap our hopes in naming the baby. To stop feeding every two hours around the clock. To go back to our normal lives and wait for another phone call for a possible placement later down the road. To not be blacklisted.

After a long discussion with my husband we have come to a conclusion.

We are not going to give up. We have a child in our home right now. We aren’t going to give in to the county bullying us. We aren’t going to let them play politics with a human life. We are not going to let them push us around, other foster families around, or denounce all of the amazing first time parents out there that have raised fantastic kids.

Thanks for letting me vent. It’s been a rough ride with this kiddo, but we definitely wouldn’t change this situation for anything. We are in love. We will fight until adoption day.

Posted in Adoption, Anxiety, Foster Parenting, LGBT Community, LGBT Parents, Safe Surrender, Two Dads

Safe Surrender Baby – County Being Shady?

So, nobody was able to get a hold of any county workers until about 7PM yesterday. I called our social worker, explaining that we were really frustrated because the hospital is wanting to discharge the baby into our care, but the county has failed to come in like they said they were going to and sign the discharge paperwork.

When the clock hit about 6:30, I called our social worker, and she told em that she was going to take care of it. Within 30 minutes, she had contacted a separate on call county social worker, and explained that since they already signed the placement paperwork for the baby to be in our care, they needed to sign the discharge papers immediately.

By 7PM a county worker had appeared, signed the paperwork, and the baby was discharged into our care. We made it home with the baby in our arms by 8:30pm that night.

With all of that being said and done, our agency contacted us to let us know that the county was acting abnormal with the baby being placed into our care, in a way that they haven’t experienced with other placements. The county investigator started texting our agency, mentioning that “they seemed really attached yesterday,” and “we just want to remind them that we can move placement at any time.”

Now, my husband and I are not the ones to play the “it’s because we are gay” card. That being said, our agency said it was really odd how when the county had called them, they asked if our agency had a family that could handle a possible pos-tox safe surrender newborn. Our agency explained that they had a family with two committed parents, who own their home, have fully fenced front and back yards, stable income, a stay at home parent, and a nursery already set up. The county’s exact words were, “That’s perfect!”

Our agency believes that “perfect” changed when they met us and noticed that two parents were two daddies. Which would explain why the county never showed up to sign the discharge papers, why the county gave us and the nursing staff separate contact information, why the county dropped all communication with all parties after meeting us for the first time.
While we don’t know for sure what they are planning, we do know that something seems a little odd with their word choice and how they are acting towards placement. Our social workers assured us that they will continue to talk with the county and express their concerns, and told us to not expect anything horrible and continue loving the baby for the time being.

On a positive note, we have started chanting “up and down” while feeding the baby and moving their chin up and down on the nipple of the bottles with the result being that the baby is actually eating closer to 20-25mls every 3 hours instead of us struggling to get 15mls!

Posted in Adoption, LGBT Community, LGBT Parents, Safe Surrender, Two Dads

Safe Surrender Baby – Update

We have been to the hospital every 3 hours around the clock to see this skeletal baby and be there for every feeding. We are having some issues being first time parents attempting to teach a 4 week premature baby how to eat from a bottle. We are struggling to get 10mls into their belly.

The nursing staff has been so kind and helpful, teaching us how to hold the baby, feed the baby, burp the baby, and change diapers. We’ve done all sorts of training to prepare us for this possibility, but reading about how to do everything vs actually doing it are entirely different things.

The nerves alone make us shake and fumble through things we thought would be simple!

We are slightly frustrated though, because the county investigator has dropped all contact with my husband and I. The county investigator has dropped all communication with the nursing staff, the hospital, and our agency. To add to that, the county investigator didn’t show up to sign the discharge papers that they said they were going to, and the hospital is wanting to discharge the baby by 5PM tonight.

We have also found out that the county investigator gave my husband and I different contact information than the hospital staff.
We are hoping that somebody from the county comes to sign the discharge papers, and are really confused. The investigator seemed totally supportive yesterday.

What is odd, is that our agency has told us that the county has already signed the placement paperwork this afternoon, which released the baby to our agency, but the county has failed to show up and sign the discharge paperwork.

Posted in Adoption, Anxiety, Foster Parenting, LGBT Community, LGBT Parents, Safe Surrender, Two Dads

Safe Surrender Baby / Foster Parents

Sorry for not posting for a while all!

So much has happened!!!

We finished a bunch of training classes for our county in order to adopt, and our social workers at our agency had talked to us about increasing our age range of kids we want to take in from 0-3, to 0-8.

Our goal will always be adoption.

We want a family and we want to adopt.

That being said:

Two days after we decided to increase our age range- our agency called us for a placement for a newborn.

Not just a newborn- but the county had called our agency asking for a family looking to adopt a safe surrender baby.

Safe surrender- for those of you who don’t know -are children who are given/dropped off/surrendered to police stations/fire stations/hospitals with no questions asked.

In this baby’s case- the mother had given birth, and decided to surrender the child.

We’ve been told by the county investigator that the mother is 100% confident in her decision, and that baby should be available for adoption after the 14 days, which will then have parental rights terminated.

Wish us luck as we continue the path of foster/adopt!

This is everything we’ve wanted as a gay couple. It’s…almost as if we are dreaming and this isn’t real!

Somebody pinch us!

Posted in American, LGBT Community, Transgender Military Ban

What an AMERICAN Really Thinks of Trump’s Trans Military Ban

This filth of a President that has never seen combat, is now telling others that they aren’t allowed to take a bullet for this country.
Is this the hate that you voted for? To start banning people from serving the nation they were born in? That they pay taxes to? That they live in? That they went to school in? That they love? 

Because if not you’d better be calling him out for it.
You said not to worry. 

You said our community was fine. 
There is no reason why my friends should have to feel like second class citizens when we can pay for cis men to get it up via viagra.
There is no reason why my friends have to feel like a second class citizens when we pay for cis military women to go on maternity leave.
There is no reason to have my friends feel like second class citizens when cis women can have their childbirth paid for and acted on at the cost of the military or pay the cost to fly them across the world back home to their family. 
Take your blatant homophobia and hypocritical self, and kindly Fuck off.
This is simply UN-American.
If an AMERICAN wants to serve our great nation, then an AMERICAN should serve.
I thought we were past this when African American men, Hispanic men, and Asian men (and all other POC) had to fight for the right to serve.
I thought we were past this when women had to fight for the right to serve.
I thought we were past this when faggots and dykes had to fight for the fight for the right to serve. 
And now we have to go through this shit again. 

Pull. Your. Head. Out. Of. Your. Ass.
Start acting like an American.

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